Becoming a kinship foster carer can happen unexpectedly, with little time to prepare for the changes ahead. For Miffy and her wife Sophie, their journey began in the summer of 2023, when they were asked to care for a family member. What followed was a life-changing experience filled with new challenges, learning and memories they will always treasure.
We spoke to Miffy about their journey into kinship care, the support that has helped them along the way, and what they would say to other families who might find themselves in a similar situation.
An unexpected beginning
“Our kinship journey started in the summer of 2023 and, to be honest, it was rather fast-paced and unexpected. We were asked if we could look after a family member at around nine o’clock in the morning, and by the end of the school day, they were home with us.
Thankfully, I had experience of being a looked-after child myself, so I knew a lot about what to expect from social workers, meetings and contact. We relied on that experience, as well as the support of our supervising social worker, a lot during those first few days.
It can feel like everyone involved in the case is speaking a language you’ve never learnt, while working at super speed and you’re just trying to keep up, with a rather confused and upset child alongside you. The acronyms do get easier, I promise!
But it gets better. So much better than you can imagine when you get to share your life with a child.”
Finding your feet as a kinship carer
Like many people suddenly stepping into a caring role, Miffy and Sophie initially worried about whether they were prepared for the responsibility ahead.
“We were both quite young and had never had children of our own, so our biggest worry was feeling unprepared and a bit inadequate. It felt like we were jumping headfirst into completely new territory without a map.
We quickly realised how important your support network is. The social workers are available and happy to answer questions, provide training and offer as much help as you need. Slowly, you start drawing your own map that works for you and your family.”
The little moments that make it worthwhile
For Miffy, one of the most rewarding parts of kinship care has been watching their young family member grow into a confident, strong and outspoken young person. It has also given Miffy a new perspective on their own childhood and helped them better understand some of their past experiences.
“I’ve found it really interesting to see the care system from the other perspective now, as an adult. Going through training that helps you understand how to look after a child like me when I was young has actually helped me heal some of the grievances I had as a child.
Some of the training has helped both me and my wife understand why I do some of the things I do, and why the child placed with us might as well.
Watching her grow into such a confident, strong and outspoken young lady is incredibly rewarding. Even when that attitude is directed at us, I can’t help but feel a little proud that she trusts us enough to let us see the real her and tell us what she wants or feels.
And having an excuse to do all the children’s activities is a lot of fun, even at 26! Going to trampoline parks, running around soft play or searching the sky for Father Christmas on Christmas Eve. Although I think she might go on strike if I suggest going to St Fagans one more time!”
How kinship care has changed family life
Taking on a kinship caring role inevitably brought changes to Miffy and Sophie’s everyday lives, from work arrangements to family relationships.
“I stopped working full-time so I could be at home when needed, and my wife changed jobs to have a more flexible work schedule. Our dogs have also had to learn how to sleep through all the chaos!
But it doesn’t have to change so dramatically for everyone. I think the biggest change for us was navigating the family dynamics that come with kinship care.
Initially, some family members were angry about how things had turned out, while others were grateful, so there was a divide within the family that took time to resolve. Ultimately, I think it has strengthened relationships and taught us to be understanding, even when we disagree with one another.”
The importance of support
Having people around them who understand their situation has made a huge difference to Miffy and Sophie. Alongside support from family and friends, their supervising social worker has been a key part of their journey.
“We’ve been fortunate to receive a lot of support across the board, and I could never have done this without my amazing and understanding wife.
The most helpful things have probably been the training we’ve received and the regular visits from our supervising social worker. She’s always happy to help with anything we need and find training if there’s something we want to brush up on, so we feel more prepared for any situations or issues that might arise.
Knowing there’s always a duty social worker on call for emergencies also gives us peace of mind.”
Advice for other families considering kinship care
For anyone who suddenly finds themselves considering caring for a child in their family, Miffy’s advice is to take a moment to think about what the decision will mean for their household, while remembering the positive changes it can bring.
“We would tell them to take a minute to really assess their life at that moment, because it is a big decision and it will change almost every aspect of your life in some small way.
But, like us, it will probably change things for the better, even more than you could imagine. We never thought we would have so many amazing moments and memories over the last three years.
I’d also say not to worry too much about the assessment process. I was stressing about that quite a bit at the beginning, but it’s honestly not as intrusive as you might think. It’s more like sitting down with a new friend and getting them up to speed on the important parts of your life.”
Kinship care: Miffy and Sophie’s story
Kinship care can happen unexpectedly, and families may suddenly find themselves facing a big decision about a child they love. As part of raising awareness of kinship care, Miffy has shared her and Sophie’s experience of becoming kinship foster carers, including the challenges, the support they received and the moments that have made it all worthwhile.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, we hope their story offers some reassurance and insight into what kinship care can look like, helping you feel more informed as you consider what might be right for you and your family.
